Exit: Stage Left

I’ve said else where that the life long path of studying Martial Arts is analogous to growing up again. We bring all the same variables that we played out in a less conscious role the first time around to a more robust symbolic redux. Actually, think of it as acting. It gets you past thinking of these moments where we “act up” or “act out” as the inequities, failures and the horrible missteps that they were and puts them in the more useful language of our role and the part we are playing in The Play. Remember, we have secured a limited engagement here so we will have many more performances of this drama to find and demonstrate our character.

In the future I will write my own play or even leave the theater but for now at least I write my own dialogue. Everyone has a role; the teachers, the students, the actors and the audience. If we are brave enough we will dare to make the kind of mistakes that will torture us inside for weeks. If the teacher is up to it they will call us out in this moment so we feel the importance and probably the long sorry history that has led to this single moment and it is excruciating. There are moments to hold your ground, those to change course a little and there is a time to change everything down to our DNA. Well some people require a disaster to create the tipping point.

The beautiful thing about the play is we care enough to make it real to ourselves but in the end it is not the central experience of our lives. If we don’t demonstrate our evolution in our ”real life” by being more connected to our families and loved ones and being more patient and caring in action rather than in just rhetoric we have not gotten to the part of the play when the Fourth Wall comes down and we connect all the dots. Beyond that there is a piece of mind that comes inside with the comfort of being in the right place in that process of playing a role, learning your part and coming into your own.

But back to the beautiful disaster – It is amazing that within the context of The Play we can make the kind of mistakes that in real life end in broken relationships or even broken arms! The difference here is that the teacher is just playing a role, actually one that you hired them for; the role of Antagonist or Deuteragonist. If the teacher is up to it they will not be constrained by wanting to be liked or worried that they might come off as being harsh and judgmental. In my role as a teacher I was always too likable and responsive. The next time around I am going to be idiosyncratic and go off on my students in a highly erratic and scary ass way whenever they ask me to. That’s the way I want to play that part next.

I was raised by Tai Chi Mormons, fundamentalists you know. We used to hate on External Martial Artists and ranks and belt tests. Well I have infiltrated an external sect and have learned their secret ways and found that they actually have merit. The Belt Test is not an achievement test it is a ritual or a ceremony. The teacher has seen you in multiple situations against multiple opponents in class so they already know your level. If the teacher can put you under duress or hopefully intimidate you then you get to see how your current Mind Body programming behaves during (simulated) extreme stress. It is not pretty. Whatever is in RAM will fail you, whatever is in ROM will be magnified, very edifying indeed, thank you.

I have played my part and I have mis-played my part, I have become confused by the Play immersing myself within it at the expense of my other life. As the curtain falls I resolve to reinvent my approach to the craft and to the theater. Exit: Stage Left.